Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
