I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
