He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
