Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
