so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
MIDGETS
????
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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