Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
