Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
