I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
