Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize