i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
