I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
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