it wasn't lemon gatorade
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
