she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
