Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
