pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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