i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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