Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
