Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
