Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
