btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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