She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
