dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
