dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
