i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
