if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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