hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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