so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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