i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
