Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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