U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize