just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
