He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
