Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize