life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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