The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
