The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
