he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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