So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Say something about gay babies.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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