Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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