we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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