i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
