is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
