Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
