let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
