Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hippo gnu deer
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
