He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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