i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
