If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
ok first of all what the fuck
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
