i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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