I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize