The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
