Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
