Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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