What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
