they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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