when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
