Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
