i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
