the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
