That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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