then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize