My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
