If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
