dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
