His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
