trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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