how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
