she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
